Bu jin, bu yuan*

We recently passed the 1 year anniversary of when we moved from Mumbai to Beijing. It seems like so long ago, another world. And I’ve found myself parting very reluctantly with empty packaging from our time overseas!!

I know I keep banging on about this, but I am still finding it odd to be in Belgium for the second time. It’s like one of those dreams where you’re being chased and realise at some point that instead of escaping all you’re doing is moving in circles.

The good thing is that after 4 months I find myself sinking into a vague sense of acceptance (acquiescence?) at being back. I think having some work is helping with that.

The bad thing is my Mandarin is rapidly disappearing. I’ve taken to bringing flash cards and podcasts on my commute in a desperate attempt to hang on to it a bit longer. I’m also still looking for a teacher who can come to the house to give us some lessons (if anyone has any recommendations pls let me know).

More than that, because Brussels is so familiar, it’s starting to feel like maybe we never actually left. Which I’m pretty sure we did and I pray we will do again before too long.

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about reverse culture shock and lo! I found these great articles. Enjoy.

*not near, not far

Things I had (blissfully) forgotten about Belgium

This is our second posting to Brussels and somehow in all the trailing around Asia, some things about life here had receded into the ether. They are now re-emerging. For example:

1. You have to pay for the privilege of using public toilets. In some places even if you are eating or drinking there (if this annoys you, stay away from L’Ultime Atome in Pl. Boniface). This rule is enforced by grumpy ladies known as “mesdames Pee-Pee”. They do not smile. Then again neither would I.
2. The universal lack of concern shown by others when you need to get something done, “c’est pas moi”. Indians were always slightly apologetic about this. The Chinese got things done IF you could make yourself understood. Does this mean, as I suspect, that Belgium is, in most regards, actually a developing nation?
3. The fact recycling is collected once a week but non-recyclable rubbish twice a week.
4. How often it rains.
5. The vast majority of shops close around 6pm and almost nothing is open on a Sunday. I am torn on this one because it allows local markets to flourish.

I will be adding to this list as time passes, I’m sure…

Hello darkness, my old friend

It’s been a tough couple of months. I’ve been a bad wife encore even though I’ve tried to balance this with ironing (ironing, my god, things must be bad) and cooking (ditto).

I’ve failed to take my own advice and get a routine up and running so I’ve made it harder on myself.  This means I’ve been struggling with my own broodings. And indulging myself with black thoughts far too often.

I’ve been going through a cycle of trying to hold on to the positive  outlook I’ve gained from being away from Europe, failing, getting depressed by Belgium, being amused by how much Belgium is like India, getting frustrated at the job market, getting annoyed by having no money, being very lonely and bored, meeting old friends and loving them, thanking the Gods of the  Interweb for Skype and long chats with dear friends in distant climes, having Mr B introduce enforced socialising to get me out of the apart-hotel, and becoming worryingly addicted to Under the Hammer, Charmed and Oprah.

Last week, I took matters back into my own hands and went to an expat wives coffee morning which, it turns out, had the added complication of being a Francophone affair. Quelle horreur!

And, of course, since then, a few things have appeared on the job horizon which is somewhat of a relief.

And Mr B and I LOVE our new home in the ‘hood. Despite the fact one of the streets very close by has been, according to our quartier newsletter, voted one of the worst in Brussels by the Belgian police. On Sunday, on said street, we saw two young guys casually breaking into a car, in broad daylight with the world and his wife walking by.

I’m still struggling with it all. I’m trying to look at it as a new posting rather than thinking we’re “back” here again, if that makes sense. Being surrounded by our own things again has definitely helped a lot (no two ways about it the apart-hotel phase of expat life sucks).

Onwards and upwards.

Des premieres impressions

We’ve been here a week already and it’s struck me a few times how there are some similarities between Brussels and the places we lived in in Asia, Beijing and Mumbai. Some things are also different, of course, very different.

Random observations:

• You know you’ve been living somewhere with almost no precipitation when you return to one of the wettest, most dismal places in Europe without an umbrella. Or a raincoat. Or in fact anything that was not designed for bone dry temperatures of minus ten. I have no idea what we were thinking when we packed. And I was in charge of packing. So there we are then.
• The traffic is so staggeringly well-behaved here. There is hardly any honking. Everyone goes along in an amazingly orderly fashion. Cars actually stop before you get to the curb to allow you to cross. And everyone else waits for the light to change before they cross. Ha!
• There are still, however, shamefully large numbers of potholes which rival those of Mumbai after monsoon.
• And WHY does Belgium have the priority to the right rule when driving? It’s ridiculous.
• My god! The prices of things here! Was it always so expensive? I almost fell over when I learned the price of a load of laundry at our apart-hotel.
• Belgium has caught up with the “bring your own bag to shop” movement. Our good habits picked up in Beijing have come in handy.
• It is a novelty to buy fresh milk. I love being able to drink straight from the tap although I probably won’t cause  Mr B pointed out that it doesn’t taste so good.
• The pavements are tiny and still covered in poop.
• The food markets are great. I love cheese!
• I am feeling light-starved. Is it me or is it ridiculously dark in the mornings here? Is it really not going to be bearable until May?

Friends of ours who’ve also done the Asia-Europe shift have advised us to think of fun things we can do in Brussels that we couldn’t do in Beijing and do those to remind ourselves about what is good about where we’re living. This is not proving easy. So far it involves eating cheese, vampire teeth sweets and divine Pierre Marcolini chocolates.

There is a cliché oft-repeated amongst expat wives that postings are what you make of them. I am trying very hard.

Soft landing (more tips for an easy transition to Beijing)

Final thoughts on Beijing:

• Guanxi – if you don’t have an iTouch or iPhone with one of the brilliant taxi card apps, then this handy SMS service will see you heading off in the right direction in at least Beijing and Shanghai. Send the name of the place, street etc you are looking for to 106695882929  and the service will send you a list of options. You select the correct one and can opt to receive the address in Chinese characters.
• Problems with your internet connection? If the problems aren’t related to the fact you’ve been cut off from paying a bill you didn’t know you owed, China Unicom‘s helpline dial 10086 (which is surprisingly helpful) can be accessed in English by hitting option 2. They aim to send someone out same day. On a related note, ask at your bank  and mobile phone provider for the English language helpline number.
• With all the politically sensitive anniversaries in 2009, the escalating row with Google, and proof of the power of Twitter in Iran, the Chinese government is in no mood for chances. Over the last few months the powers that be have been systematically cracking down on the free sites that allow access to the “real”, uncensored internet and social networking sites remain blocked. As an expat count yourself lucky you have access to foreign credit cards and so a way around this. Get thee a VPN provider ASAP. I’ve been impressed with the level of service offered by Witopia who were really helpful when even my VPN  stopped working during the Uighur riots over the summer.
• If you’ll be using the subway or the bus network (and really, why wouldn’t you? It is not difficult) try to get yourself one of the blue, rechargeable IC cards, Beijing’s answer to London’s Oyster card. These can only be bought at special counters in the subway and as often as not there is no-one there. If you hang around, someone will usually materialise. From memory, the card needs a deposit of 20 kuai and then it is up to you how much you add.
• As much as I love Jenny Lou, try to find your local Jingkalong and market and save a bundle on fruit and veg, spices and noodles. It is also a good chance to practice your Chinese, at least the numbers. Inevitably you’ll be something of an attraction and receive free bunches of herbs as gifts. Don’t follow Mr B’s example and fall for very expensive imported fruits, however. Ahem.
• If you can’t find that crucial western foodstuff, try City Shop near the US Embassy. It is pricey but when you are desperate, it is great. Expat urban legend says if you can’t find it anywhere else in the city, it will be here. We found a frozen turkey here on Christmas Eve and thus averted a catastrophe. It is also great for frozen vegetarian food and baby food. Apparently.
• Expat wives in need of career advice can do no better than talk to Sarah Cooper at Cows From My Window. A font of calm and good advice.

A word on etiquette in Beijing’s crowded spaces, notably the subway and lifts (elevators). The unspoken rule for both of these situations is layering. When entering the subway at rush hour, unless you plan to get out at the next station, you should push your way back or towards the middle of the carriage. You’ll notice that approaching each station a shuffling dance ensues whereby those getting off push towards the doors and everyone else steps back. The same in elevators. Push the button for your floor on entering the doors (not when you’ve found an empty spot) and then arrange yourself accordingly. If you want a top floor, you should be standing at the back, if you want a low floor try to stay near the doors.

Finally, and then I’ll go, for an insight into local vs expat tension, check out this recent discussion. Mr B and I can’t decide whether the article is a Chinese attempt at irony or simply aggressive posturing in bad taste but the reactions from the expat and local communities alike are illuminating.

What I’ve learned in Beijing

Well, here’s a post I didn’t think I was going to have to write for a good few years yet.

In any case, here goes:

• The expat community here is open, varied, friendly and extraordinarily willing to help out newbies. Take advantage of this and jump straight in to building yourself a social life, try new hobbies and generally get yourself out of your apart-hotel.
• The expat community here is hard drinking. Very hard drinking. I’ve heard more than one first hand account of expats having to be sent off to rehab after living here for a while.  January seems to be the month of promises to stop. Be sensible and pack an extra liver.
• Be aware that expat postings take a toll on relationships if you are not careful. There are all kinds of temptations in Asia (see above). As an acquaintance of Mr B’s has said, “Beijing is where marriages come to die”. Consider yourself warned.
• All that noisy gobbing up of phlegm bothering you? In a few months, you won’t even notice it. In fact, you may not even notice your partner has taken up the habit until it is too late.
• The rudest expat wives hang out at Lily’s nails on the 3rd floor of 3.3 mall in Sanlitun. Their treatment of Chinese workers there has to be seen to be believed. Disgusting. Also look out for young Russians who bring in their ridiculously pampered pooches. Always something to see at Lily’s.
• Something is seriously wrong with us all when people talk about how you must buy 10 shirts at the clothing market opposite Beijing Zoo because they will only last one wear and should just be disposed of  after one wear rather than washed. Quantity over quality is definitely the Chinese way. And the rest of us are just encouraging it. The madness has to stop!!
• Mandarin is difficult but suck it up. You won’t survive without it. You can however do a huge amount of communicating with just a few words and a lot of miming. You’d be amazed.
• China is indeed a political and economic force to be reckoned with. But don’t believe the hype, or the statistics. It is not there yet. Mr B and I are not convinced that China actually wants responsibility for running things. There remains a level of paranoia here about maintaining control which is going to result in an internal focus first and foremost for a long time.
• Expat life is always about the people, less about the location. The friends you make, the locals you get to know – these are what will make or break your posting.

Mr B and I are really sad to leave Beijing. It’s been a fantastic, enriching, tough, awful, fascinating, fun 9 months. The good has definitely outweighed the bad and under different circumstances we’d be here for a good few years yet. I’m determined to try and keep up my Chinese language skills so who knows, in a few years we might be back…

xie xie Zhong guo! (thanks China!)

PS Are moving companies heavily influenced by culture? Our Indian movers carefully wrapped every single posession we own taking 2 full days to pack us, reflecting that posessions are precious there. Our Chinese movers have been the model of efficiency, packing our flat in around 10 hours.

Everyone knows this

A couple of weeks ago, while I was minding my own business online, our broadband access went out. For expats, the internet is akin to a vital  biological function, like breathing. When it disappears inexplicably it is never good.

After much poking at wires and turning off and on of the router, (pretty much the sum total of my technical expertise right there) Mr B, who arrived home in blissful ignorance of this unfolding domestic drama, promptly copped the flak.

It turns out our landline bill has not been paid.

Since we moved in.

In June.

Apparently, even though we’ve never used it and even though ADSL service is part of our rent, a monthly fee has to be paid for a landline in order to keep the ADSL on. After a mercifully short excursion to China Unicom where one employee spoke enough English to help me fill out the myriad forms in Chinese characters, we were told to wait a week and then service would be resumed.

My problem with this is not that we were cut off. That’s normal for non payment of bills. What is totally baffling is that we have not received a single bill, reminder notice, or in fact ANY kind of communication from China Unicom telling us this was coming.

When I mentioned this little episode to one of the very helpful employees in our building, she looked at me as if I came from another planet. Which in many ways I do.

Her response was, “but everybody knows that around 20th of the month bills must be paid!”

“Even though there is no bill sent? No reminders? And there is no mention of this in any of our contracts?”

“Yes, of course. This is China. Everybody knows this is how it works here,” she confirmed.

Everybody except a remedial wife it seems.