Urban Legand Investigated

Given it is a big city, there are a good number of urban legands floating around the expat community in Beijing. One of the most intriguing we’ve heard since we first arrived was about the popularity of Ikea.

Nothing new there. Ikea is a weekend-gobbler the world over. The Beijing store is the largest outside Sweden so amply able to deal with large crowds.

Our interest was piqued, however, by the reported behaviour of the Chinese visitors. Expats gleefully reported seeing people sleeping in the beds, reading on the sofas and, best of all, that a significant number of dates took place in Ikea’s kitchens.

The roots of this lie in the fact young people almost always live with their parents until they are married and suffer from a real lack of privacy. Ikea is an ideal solution – lots of space and nice surroundings with the bonus of clean air!

Mr B and I determined we had to see for ourselves if the urban legend had any truth. And it does. It does!

Mr B even managed to capture some of the action…

First date in Ikea kitchen, Beijing

Couple snuggle up on couch at Ikea, Beijing

Friends hanging out, Ikea Beijing

Beijing-based  journalists are also getting in on the legand, the LA Times has a great article about  the role of air conditioning in Ikea’s popularity during the summer.

Check out this fascinating phenomenon for yourselves if you have the chance!

Working Girl?

I was asked recently by a reader whether or not expat wives can work in Beijing. The answer is “yes, but”…Let me explain.

If you speak to women who’ve been trailing spouses in China for a while, some of them will tell you they were given an automatic work visa along with their husbands upon entry into China.  That’s certainly what I was told but alas it has proved untrue.

The combination of the 60th anniversary (which raised feelings of invincibility to a whole new level here) and the recession have meant the Chinese government sees less and less need for foreign workers. I’ve been told anecdotally that work visas generally are now much harder to come by, with companies having to provide a lot more detailed evidence of why they want to hire a foreign worker over a Chinese one. Information from the Chinese government on this point is often conflicting and unclear.

If you want to find work here it is possible. Many expat wives set up their own businesses to ensure a portable career. Others decide to start a family. Others find companies willing to take them on under the table (albeit for a token wage – think around EUROs 150-300 a month), and others trawl around for freelance work, the favourites being writing/editing and teaching English. A very good place to start and to seek up-to-the-minute advice is the excellent VIVA network which holds monthly networking meetings and is run by seasoned expat business women. I’d also recommend the national chambers of commerce, specialist Beijing-based groups on LinkedIn and alumni associations.

All of this brings me to the bigger topic of what happens when working women become expat wives. I know from personal experience it is not at all an easy transition to make. Whatever the benefits of taking time out, don’t let anyone tell you there is no loss of identity involved in becoming a tai-tai. Speaking personally, loss of financial independence is a big part of this. I’ve seen firsthand how it can make expat women here in Beijing incredibly lonely, depressed and angry, and take a huge toll on marriages.

There have been a couple of very interesting stories in the media here about this phenomenon over the last few weeks. I’m linking them here so those who are new to this odd trailing spouse life know they are not alone, and more importantly, that there is help out there. Get thee to an expat coffee morning!

Everyone knows this

A couple of weeks ago, while I was minding my own business online, our broadband access went out. For expats, the internet is akin to a vital  biological function, like breathing. When it disappears inexplicably it is never good.

After much poking at wires and turning off and on of the router, (pretty much the sum total of my technical expertise right there) Mr B, who arrived home in blissful ignorance of this unfolding domestic drama, promptly copped the flak.

It turns out our landline bill has not been paid.

Since we moved in.

In June.

Apparently, even though we’ve never used it and even though ADSL service is part of our rent, a monthly fee has to be paid for a landline in order to keep the ADSL on. After a mercifully short excursion to China Unicom where one employee spoke enough English to help me fill out the myriad forms in Chinese characters, we were told to wait a week and then service would be resumed.

My problem with this is not that we were cut off. That’s normal for non payment of bills. What is totally baffling is that we have not received a single bill, reminder notice, or in fact ANY kind of communication from China Unicom telling us this was coming.

When I mentioned this little episode to one of the very helpful employees in our building, she looked at me as if I came from another planet. Which in many ways I do.

Her response was, “but everybody knows that around 20th of the month bills must be paid!”

“Even though there is no bill sent? No reminders? And there is no mention of this in any of our contracts?”

“Yes, of course. This is China. Everybody knows this is how it works here,” she confirmed.

Everybody except a remedial wife it seems.

Some Hard Truths about working in China – hints & tips

When I attended my first expat wives coffee morning here, one of the most heated topics of discussion was the treatment of expat husbands in the Chinese workplace.

Not so much in terms of support from corporate HQ, although that came up, (congrats Microsoft, your HR support for accompanying families and working spouses is the only one I’ve heard consistently good things about) but the day to day reality. The overwhelming sense was one of bewilderment.

Of course, adjusting expectations and battling to understand complex behavioural norms is a fact of life for expats. Add a language barrier and you have yourself a situation.

Neither is it fair to say every expat working here has an awful time. Everyone has come here for the opportunity to work in the most important market of the 21st century. Most love it. Some never leave. But almost everyone will also admit to some serious frustrations at one point or another.

I’m not going to touch on the issue of “face” or table manners or how to present business cards. What follows is based on raw observation and feedback from the coal face – tips from anecdotes heard over the past 6 months:

• Start learning Mandarin – you can have an interpreter (and sometimes this is a useful negotiating tactic during meetings with clients) but they will always edit and you won’t gain as much respect as if you have a go;
• However, make sure it is clear from the outset to HQ and the local team that language ability does not happen overnight and, in the vast majority of cases, that’s not why expat workers have been bought in;
• Insist on a foreign line manager – a truth universally acknowledged in Beijing is that reporting to a Chinese boss does not work, leading to massive stress and resentment on both sides which often filters back to HQ. If you can’t, insist on having a liaison at HQ (NOT someone in HR);
• Likewise, understand that for most Chinese, having a foreign boss is like a slap in the face. While it will never be acknowleged publicly, the view is that expat workers are lazy and spoiled and completely unecessary. Maybe they are. More often than not, you will be resented. See point 1;
• Understand that while most Chinese employees will get a kick out of being invited into your home, trying western food and drink, hearing western music etc, it is almost always done out of politesse and will last a very short time. One woman I met spoke of preparing for hours before her team came for a drinks party, only to have them arrive en masse and leave after 30 mins.
• The office hierarchy is unspoken but strict. If you manage to make real Chinese friends at the office, count your blessings, it is extremely rare and will probably consist of Chinese who have studied abroad;
• Yes, at some point expect to be presented with bizarre foods and plenty of booze. And yes, it is a test of your manhood;
• Get used to finding 15 different ways to explain something – short and simple is best;
• After handing out instructions, set a deadline for the team to come to you and ask questions. If you don’t, you may find that when you check in on progress days later, team members are still struggling to understand what needs to be done or discussing it amongst themselves;
• Don’t be surprised if after a team discussion about a task where no one appears to have immediate questions or concerns, a team member is appointed by his/her fellows to come to you with questions. Understand that culturally, this is extremely hard for the person in question;
• Don’t be surprised if you receive negative appraisal/feedback on your performance. Remember the Chinese education system is based on trying to shame pupils into good habits and on fierce competition where all tactics are considered valid. Try not to take it personally but above all manage it with HQ – if you work with teams in other offices, insist on feedback from them to provide a more balanced perspective;
• Get used to resentful colleagues sending emails directly to your boss, with you in CC, for all manner of petty issues. These normally revolve around the fact you have refused to do your colleague’s work for them. Emailing up is a daily occurrence, it seems.

Forewarned is forearmed, right?

Home is where the heart is.

Some random observations from being home for the first time in 18 months:

• London is very, very grey and very, very sombre and the streets seem ridiculously narrow. And empty. As much as China might be reeling from the recession, in London it is startlingly apparent that everyone is very grimly hanging on;
• I have missed the casual way Brits slip in terms of endearment when talking to strangers – love, dear, sweetheart, darling – a verbal welcome home;
• God the British accent is strong! Such strange sounds after Mandarin. I didn’t realise just how “internationalised” my accent has become until Mr B laughed at me for slipping back to my roots;
• Globalisation is alive and well when I hear Mandarin being spoken all around the UK, even down where my parents live, a place not exactly known for its multiculturalism;
• Why are the British obsessed with insurance? Why are there so many bad insurance ads on TV? Was it always like this? Why is the country obsessed with meerkats? Simples;
• You can tell you’ve been living in India when loud complaints from passengers to bus drivers make Mr B and I laugh – if a Mumbai bus driver had missed a stop, passengers would be handing out slaps instead of sarcastic comments;
• Compared to Mandarin, trying to get myself understood in French is a doddle;
• Really? Everyone is actually going to vote in a Tory govt? Scary times ahead whoever wins, I guess, given the level of public debt;
• I love the English countryside, despite Mr B’s disparaging comments that the UK landscape is tame – it is so green;
• Being able to drink water straight from the tap without thinking about it is now a novelty. As is being understood every time I open my mouth and knowing, without thinking, how things work in day to day life;
• I miss quorn and Linda McCartney pies;
• Of course, the only people actually spending money at Prada and Harrods at Heathrow were Chinese;
• We have fabulous friends.

Interestingly, unlike after our August visit to Mr B’s home, I’m not culture shocked.  In fact I’m glad to be back. Could this be because we’ve passed the 6 month marker?

Sheng ri kuai le!*

An estimated 3m people are right now heading to Beijing to celebrate the 60th birthday of the People’s Republic on 1st October. In contrast, Mr B and I are heading west to visit my homeland. It will be the first time in a year and a half I’ve been home and I can’t wait but we’re also aware we’ll be missing a historical milestone in our new home city.

The military hardware has practiced and re-practiced its routines and driven around the streets in the process (one of the more bizarre things Mr B and I have seen since arriving); the pensioner volunteers are out en masse, mostly gossiping with each other and occasionally giving directions but no doubt ready to spring into action should crisis present itself; the imposing black humvees with machine-gun toting swat cops have positioned themselves at major junctions in plain sight; flower arrangements along the parade route have been inspected by flashlight at midnight (another of the bizarre scenes we witnessed two Fridays ago); colourful banners and red lanterns have been dusted off;  subway line no 4 has opened right on schedule and uplifting celebratory posters have appeared everywhere.

There is no denying that the authorities are taking preparations very seriously when so much national pride is at stake. Last week, there were rumours abound on the internet that syringe attacks were planned on the city’s subway system. Explosions in two city restaurants last week were not reported in most of the city’s media.

To add to the building seige mentality, experienced expats are hoarding cash and food, knowing that nothing is going to get restocked over the next week, while expats living in the diplomatic compounds closest to the parade route are hunkering down for what amounts to a 24hr lock in.

Speaking today at the American Chamber of Commerce, veteran China watcher Sidney Rittenberg posed the ultimate question ahead of the 60th anniversary: when all other major civilisations (the Egyptians, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Maya, and those on the ancient Indian subcontinent) have come and gone, what have the Chinese done differently that has made their culture and language survive and thrive for 5,000 years?

Answers on a postcard please.

*happy birthday!

In The Family Way

As the country gets more prosperous, it seems that the One Child policy is coming under enormous pressure.

China Daily reported a few months ago on how a growing number of women are choosing to give birth in Hong Kong (as a Special Administrative Region, it’s not considered “real” China) as a way around the permit needed to give birth under current regulations.

More couples than ever can now afford to pay the huge fine (10 times the annual average per capita income of the area in which they reside).

To clamp down on this, the government is trying new methods, primarily shaming and stopping prominent businessmen from being able to bid for government contracts.

This is interesting not only for the fact that shame is still an effective way to change behaviour in China (works in just the opposite way in the UK  where any kind of attention for bad behaviour is likely to catapult you into the tabloids, get you a chat show and a perfume) but also for the fact that the policy has survived for so long.

The international media (originally the FT but also the BBC and NYT amongst others) has picked up on a similar story, focusing on moves in Shanghai to allow selected categories of couples to have two children. The categories are fascinating of themselves and include:

• couples who are themselves only children.
• couples where a spouse is a fisherman who has been at sea for 5 years (really).

The reason given by the Shanghai government is the same as France’s post-WW2 policy of rewarding large families: a rapidly growing elderly populace and the need for more workers of tomorrow. It is not at all a sign of some kind of thaw in China’s One Child policy across the rest of Mainland China.

While Remedial Wife doesn’t agree with the massive intrusion into one’s reproductive choices by the state here or anywhere, she does think that the planet is at bursting point and that thinking seriously about the consequences of over-population is a good thing.