Home is where the heart is.

Some random observations from being home for the first time in 18 months:

• London is very, very grey and very, very sombre and the streets seem ridiculously narrow. And empty. As much as China might be reeling from the recession, in London it is startlingly apparent that everyone is very grimly hanging on;
• I have missed the casual way Brits slip in terms of endearment when talking to strangers – love, dear, sweetheart, darling – a verbal welcome home;
• God the British accent is strong! Such strange sounds after Mandarin. I didn’t realise just how “internationalised” my accent has become until Mr B laughed at me for slipping back to my roots;
• Globalisation is alive and well when I hear Mandarin being spoken all around the UK, even down where my parents live, a place not exactly known for its multiculturalism;
• Why are the British obsessed with insurance? Why are there so many bad insurance ads on TV? Was it always like this? Why is the country obsessed with meerkats? Simples;
• You can tell you’ve been living in India when loud complaints from passengers to bus drivers make Mr B and I laugh – if a Mumbai bus driver had missed a stop, passengers would be handing out slaps instead of sarcastic comments;
• Compared to Mandarin, trying to get myself understood in French is a doddle;
• Really? Everyone is actually going to vote in a Tory govt? Scary times ahead whoever wins, I guess, given the level of public debt;
• I love the English countryside, despite Mr B’s disparaging comments that the UK landscape is tame – it is so green;
• Being able to drink water straight from the tap without thinking about it is now a novelty. As is being understood every time I open my mouth and knowing, without thinking, how things work in day to day life;
• I miss quorn and Linda McCartney pies;
• Of course, the only people actually spending money at Prada and Harrods at Heathrow were Chinese;
• We have fabulous friends.

Interestingly, unlike after our August visit to Mr B’s home, I’m not culture shocked.  In fact I’m glad to be back. Could this be because we’ve passed the 6 month marker?

Sheng ri kuai le!*

An estimated 3m people are right now heading to Beijing to celebrate the 60th birthday of the People’s Republic on 1st October. In contrast, Mr B and I are heading west to visit my homeland. It will be the first time in a year and a half I’ve been home and I can’t wait but we’re also aware we’ll be missing a historical milestone in our new home city.

The military hardware has practiced and re-practiced its routines and driven around the streets in the process (one of the more bizarre things Mr B and I have seen since arriving); the pensioner volunteers are out en masse, mostly gossiping with each other and occasionally giving directions but no doubt ready to spring into action should crisis present itself; the imposing black humvees with machine-gun toting swat cops have positioned themselves at major junctions in plain sight; flower arrangements along the parade route have been inspected by flashlight at midnight (another of the bizarre scenes we witnessed two Fridays ago); colourful banners and red lanterns have been dusted off;  subway line no 4 has opened right on schedule and uplifting celebratory posters have appeared everywhere.

There is no denying that the authorities are taking preparations very seriously when so much national pride is at stake. Last week, there were rumours abound on the internet that syringe attacks were planned on the city’s subway system. Explosions in two city restaurants last week were not reported in most of the city’s media.

To add to the building seige mentality, experienced expats are hoarding cash and food, knowing that nothing is going to get restocked over the next week, while expats living in the diplomatic compounds closest to the parade route are hunkering down for what amounts to a 24hr lock in.

Speaking today at the American Chamber of Commerce, veteran China watcher Sidney Rittenberg posed the ultimate question ahead of the 60th anniversary: when all other major civilisations (the Egyptians, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Maya, and those on the ancient Indian subcontinent) have come and gone, what have the Chinese done differently that has made their culture and language survive and thrive for 5,000 years?

Answers on a postcard please.

*happy birthday!

In The Family Way

As the country gets more prosperous, it seems that the One Child policy is coming under enormous pressure.

China Daily reported a few months ago on how a growing number of women are choosing to give birth in Hong Kong (as a Special Administrative Region, it’s not considered “real” China) as a way around the permit needed to give birth under current regulations.

More couples than ever can now afford to pay the huge fine (10 times the annual average per capita income of the area in which they reside).

To clamp down on this, the government is trying new methods, primarily shaming and stopping prominent businessmen from being able to bid for government contracts.

This is interesting not only for the fact that shame is still an effective way to change behaviour in China (works in just the opposite way in the UK  where any kind of attention for bad behaviour is likely to catapult you into the tabloids, get you a chat show and a perfume) but also for the fact that the policy has survived for so long.

The international media (originally the FT but also the BBC and NYT amongst others) has picked up on a similar story, focusing on moves in Shanghai to allow selected categories of couples to have two children. The categories are fascinating of themselves and include:

• couples who are themselves only children.
• couples where a spouse is a fisherman who has been at sea for 5 years (really).

The reason given by the Shanghai government is the same as France’s post-WW2 policy of rewarding large families: a rapidly growing elderly populace and the need for more workers of tomorrow. It is not at all a sign of some kind of thaw in China’s One Child policy across the rest of Mainland China.

While Remedial Wife doesn’t agree with the massive intrusion into one’s reproductive choices by the state here or anywhere, she does think that the planet is at bursting point and that thinking seriously about the consequences of over-population is a good thing.

When it’s good, it’s good, when it’s s*^t, it’s s*^t

Things, dear readers, are not going so well here out East. Sadly, because nothing is truly anonymous in this interconnected world I can’t go into details. Suffice it to say that the Recession is a cruel mistress. She makes short-term thinking a fact of life.

Storm clouds on the horizon mean that this expat wife is now rapidly trying to find a job 5 months earlier than planned. Frankly the best paying job she can find. As long as it happens in the next couple of months. No time now to fill out slightly fluffy self-evaluation forms trying to uncover “values to focus me on doing what I love”. No time now for expensive expat wife focused portable career solutions As well meaning as they are, they won’t put bread on the table.

Remedial Wife has enjoyed her time “off” but as her name suggests, she was never entirely suited to a life of indolence.

I have, I’ve discovered, a vast natural reserve of sloth. Being an expat wife has only brought this out in unflattering ways. Maybe this is the silver lining in the current dark, dark storm cloud.

The truth is Remedial Wife would like Mr B to become the trailing one and take some time out. To have the shoe on the other foot. To have him deal with  trying to talk to the ayi through mime, to sleep in, to be suddenly brightened by an afternoon in a wonderful park. To go tea tasting because it sounds fun. Most of all to unknot his shoulders.

The reality is that already being on the ground, an expat salary ain’t going to happen.

The truth is that when expat life goes bad, unless you have been stationed wherever you are for a good chunk of time, you feel very alone. And very panicked. And very sad.

It’s at times like these that you burst with gratitude for patient, wonderful friends in other time zones who help guide you through the storm. And for new friends in town who offer as much advice as possible and offer funny anecdotes and words of encouragement and boozy dinners with lots of laughter.

* with thanks for the title of the post to T who never spoke a truer word and who also deserves a great new job.

There’s no place like home?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – the toughest part about being an expat is the juggling.

In particular, juggling visits to family and in-laws on different continents, trying to keep up with old friends at home and newer friends scattered around the globe. Add in the necessary long-haul flights and this inevitably means that precious holiday days are spent not on actual lazy vacations but rather on cramming in time with as many people as possible when we do get to go home.

No-one is ever satisfied by this. Family members feel slighted that we didn’t spend enough time together and we have the awful, delicate, process of trying to work out who we would most like to see because there is never enough time to see everyone we want to see and our friends have their own demanding lives to deal with. This means Mr B and I just end up exhausted and irritable with each other. And to top it all, we’ve found ourselves back in the throes of some miserable culture-shock upon our return.

Skype and other wonders of modern technology blah, blah, blah, mean that we’re in regular contact with a core group of family and friends but it never feels like enough. Never!

Perhaps underlying this frantic effort is an unconscious desire to maintain a social safety net in case everything goes pear-shaped and we find ourselves camped out with my in-laws (our current “just in case this Recession gets even worse and expat employees are next to go” exit strategy). Perhaps it is just part of the modern condition. Perhaps this is a plea to everyone we know to bear with us, not take anything personally, and most of all to think about coming out East instead.

You know you love me! xoxo

Arrival Survival*

*OK, so I stole this name from an annual INN event (see below)

Now that we’ve been here for a few months, I thought I’d share my Top 10 Tips for others who might be following our footsteps and planning an imminent arrival in Beijing:

1. Bring a ton of passport photos. You’ll need them. For health checks, visas, registering with the police etc etc.
2. Pick up a copy of The Insider’s Guide to Beijing – it is indispensable for finding restaurants, shops selling everything from furniture to German cheesecake. You’ll find it at most western supermarkets (Jenny Lou, April Gourmet), some hotels and English language bookstores (especially The Bookworm).
3. Pick up a copy of The Taxi Book at the same locations. It has major destinations in the city written out in Chinese characters.  A lot of taxi drivers are migrants, don’t know the city and often need pointers. Unless you are already fluent in Mandarin or supremely self-confident in your miming skills, you will need this book. Don’t feel like a fraud for using it, we all do. Also, get used to calling restaurants and shops for detailed location information. It is extremely common to phone a place (or friend!), ask for help in finding them, and then to pass your phone on to the taxi driver.
4. A 21st century taxi book alternative for all the cool kids out there;  if you have an iPhone or an iPod Touch, download the Beijing Taxi Guide from the iTunes applications store.  It has free monthly updates to keep up with the ridiculously high turnover of restaurants.  Another program, TravelIn Beijing,will allow you to make your own electronic taxi cards on computers that support Mandarin characters, which is very handy for home and work addresses. (Mr B loves the flashing taxi hailer that comes as part of the application).
5. Pictures speak a thousand words; pick up a photo dictionary (a visual bilingual dictionary to cite the correct moniker) -so handy when you need something specific but are not sure how it is pronounced. Dorling Kindersley publish a great one. By the way, you’ll get used to smiling and pointing things you want and miming. Lots of miming. Which leads me to…
6. Start learning Mandarin as soon as possible. It is daunting but knowing just a few words (especially numbers) will really help you feel much more in control. There are  tons of schools and tons of ways to take classes so there really is no excuse.
7. If you’re not a Mandarin speaker, find one to help you open a bank account  (and get a mobile phone account for that matter)  especially to take you through paperwork to send money overseas which is a tedious, labourious process that, sadly, you’ll have to do every time. No direct debit system here. Also, there doesn’t seem to be any possibility of joint accounts either.
8. To counter-act culture shock and meet new people, join one of the many, many groups here. There are groups by nationality (the Aussies and Irish are very active apparently), for toddlers and for different sports.  The International Newcomers Network holds coffee mornings in different parts of town and monthly meetings. Everyone is super-friendly and it helps to hear that you are not alone in feeling disorientated and lonely.
9. For an introduction to the more cultural elements of the city, check out the China Cultural Center who do great walks and weekend trips that come highly recommended.  Another good option is The Hutong which has a gorgeous setting.
10. For nights when you don’t feel like cooking or when it all gets too much, and you don’t want to venture out, try Beijing Goodies – an online (in English!) portal that allows you to order food for delivery from restaurants in your area. A godsend for Remedial Wives!…
11. More of a P.S. really, but given the authorities are, shall we say, a little “enthusiastic”, about pulling foreigners aside and into quarantine fearing Swine Flu, Remedial Wife has heard that expats are now taking aspirin/paracetamol/ibuprofin an hour or so before landing to ensure their temperature readings are absolutely normal as they pass through the airport scanners. Perhaps not the best way to help contain a global pandemic but desperate times and all that.

If you have any other tips, I’d love to hear them.

How to be a Good Expat

Remedial Wife is in the mood for a rant today. So here it is.

The Expat Crowd is, by its very nature, annoying to be around. We’re a bunch of extremely privileged, lucky individuals. Usually well paid, these days not so much. But let’s not forget that we all chose this life. That does not stop many of us from complaining at every opportunity, however.

French expats have a particularly bad reputation for isolating themselves and complaining constantly that, “things are not as good in city X as Paris/Lyon/Calais”. Quite by chance, Mr B and I have found ourselves living in a hotbed of les personnes françaises. Time will tell whether or not the cliché is based on fact but after only 2 trips in the lift last week, Mr B declared himself already irritated, believing as he does that one on one the French are great but  concentrated en masse, unbearable.

It is all well and good to swap tips on where to find the best cheese/bread/bacon/wine/holiday getaway/bar or restaurant. Like the British discussing the weather, swapping this kind of information is the very essence of expat life. The unstated goal, of course, is to introduce those around you to somewhere new, thereby boosting your adventurousness/insider knowledge rating in the eyes of your fellow expats.

Where the ground becomes more shaky is when you meet that certain kind of expat who, for most of the time disdains his fellow foreigners, claiming to live a more “authentic” life. Yawn.

Notable sins of this breed and this trailing spouse’s reaction:

• Talking loudly about how you only ever speak your native language on those rare occasions when you deign to attend an expat-heavy function=You bore me. Please go back to whatever village outside the 6th Ring Road you claim to live in. Even though I KNOW you live in a chic apartment in Sanlitun (aka Expat Central).
• Referencing pre-Olympics Beijing, “of course, when I arrived, nobody knew what a German/Australian/French/British person looked like! And, of course, there were no supermarkets! And nobody spoke any English!” = Let me let you in on a little secret: nobody cares.
• Dismissing the bar/restaurant suggestions of those who are Chinese and/or have lived in the city longer than you = You are rude. And probably missing out.
• Talking constantly about the best places to pick up a potential tai-tai = Do try to be original. Everyone else is over the expat man + local girl combo. It indicates you are probably extremely lazy, using the local girl as a translator, while she uses you as an ATM. It is not likely to end well.
• Frequent referrals to the last city you came from = unless you are telling a VERY amusing anecdote OR you arrived less than 3 months ago OR you are talking to another expat who has also lived there, this is just annoying.
• Making references to some obscure Chinese region/dish/philosopher/linguistic point = you are pretentious. Stop trying to impress. Sometimes it is OK to just go out for a drink without trying to “educate” those around you.

In case it is not already patently clear, a good expat:

• Helps newbies – particularly with language related stuff . Writing down key phrases or talking to taxi drivers by mobile phone is wonderful. And much appreciated.
• Is friendly and open and listens to others and offers a sympathetic ear without encouraging any of the annoying behaviours outlined above.
• Makes at least SOME effort to learn Mandarin but does not boast if they are a natural polyglot.
• Has a sense of humour.
• Retains a sense of adventure and willingness to try new things and new places (though not all the time because that is exhausting for the rest of us).

Please pipe up if you can add your own examples.